“Chipotle” Article
I’m
not exactly sure how it’s pronounced. My ex-girlfriend used to
pronounce it “Chip-ottle,” which I think sounds stupid. I much prefer
to rearrange the letters and pronounce it “Chip-ol-té,” which I think
sounds cool and hip.
For
those of you who don’t know, Chipotle is a wonderful gift from the
heavens, wrapped in tinfoil. It’s a burrito restaurant, where they make
really big burritos (their slogan is “Burritos as big as your head”)
and they make Taco Bell look like pond scum wrapped in gauze. It’s not
too expensive (burritos range from about $5.00 to $6.00, plus an extra
$1.25 for guacamole, which I recommend), the burritos are great and
it’s enough food fill you up for an entire day.
The
concept behind Chipotle is deceptively simple. Instead of ordering a
burrito of choice and waiting for it to be prepared, you walk along an
assembly line and instruct the Burrito Assemblers which ingredients you
would like them to put into your burrito. It’s kind of like Subway.
Actually it’s exactly like Subway.
First
you pick burrito or taco. Then you pick your beans. The pinto ones
taste better, but are rumored to have pork in them, for all you
vegetarians/Jews/Jewish vegetarians. Then you pick your meat. Then you
pick your toppings. And then they wrap it for you and eat it. Just make
sure to un-wrap the foil only from the top of the burrito to start and
unwrap down as you eat – if you un-wrap the entire thing in the
beginning the burrito will spill all over you and you will be very sad.
Chipotle first came
into my life several years ago, when I was attending the George Washington University
in DC. My first experience there was very similar to losing my
virginity. There was something very large that was wrapped in a
protective covering, and while the event started off great, it ended
with several stains on my shirt. Fortunately, I quickly learned the
proper way to eat burrito (I already told you, unwrap only the top part
first), and started a $6.00 a day habit that lasted throughout the rest
of college.
Until recently, I used
to drive half an hour to College Park
in order to get my fix, where I would end up waiting in line for
another twenty minutes and then eat my burrito in the corner as
undergrads openly mocked me for dressing funny. But fortunately, a
Chipotle has finally come to the Baltimore Inner
Harbor (right next to the Barnes and Noble); and while parking will cost more than
dinner, at least there I can openly mock the tourists for dressing funny.
Aside
from the pork in the pinto beans, there several other rumors that I
would like to address concerning Chipotle. The first is that they are
owned by McDonalds. This is technically true, although Chipotle itself
is absolutely nothing like McDonalds. It does not taste like McDonalds,
it does not look like McDonalds and there are no clowns. And for the
record, Baja Fresh is technically owned by Wendy’s, which I feel is
much worse.
A
second rumor is that all Chipotle burritos have 1,000 calories in them.
This rumor makes me angry, because only the chicken burritos have 1,000
calories in them. The Barbacoa beef burritos have 1,300 calories in
them! Hooray! And even more if you get guacamole. I don’t know how you
feel, but the more calories I get for my money, the better.
But
for those of you who like to count calories, losing the tortilla (350
calories) and holding the sour cream and cheese will reduce the total
number of calories in a chicken burrito to about 450. And these
statistics exclude the fact that most people don’t finish their
burritos to begin with. Regardless, there’s something about eating at
Chipotle that makes you feel like you’re eating healthy even though you
might not be. Nothing is fried, everything is fresh, and it rarely
induces diarrhea.
So
in conclusion, I urge you to go to Chipotle. It’s not far away, and
they should hopefully get their liquor license soon. Then, even if you
don’t like the food, you can get drunk and harass the help. And they
play good music. And the chairs are fun to sit in.
