"On Campus Interviewing Fun…"

Once again, I've found myself stuck in the middle of something that I wish I could get out of. A bad relationship? A strange religious cult? A midget's bedroom? No, in actuality I am referring to the process called “on campus interviewing,” otherwise known as OCI.

For those of you who are not familiar with the concept of OCI, it is a time when some of the largest firms in the nation come to our humble career development office to interview the best and the brightest of the law school class. Students "bid" on firms that they wish to interview with by sending them resumes, transcripts and writing samples and then the firms promptly throw all of these things out and simply look at the student's class rank. Those with a high enough class rank are selected for interviews.  

For those with a low class rank, this initial selection process is very disheartening, as they will probably not be selected for any interviews at all. Although for me, the process is even more disheartening, because my class rank is high enough to be selected for many interviews, while it’s low enough to ensure that no top firm would hire me. So instead of a simple, “we're not interested,” I get to enjoy a fun 20 minute interview with a person who has absolutely no intention of hiring me. I feel like a black man running for president.

Why did I volunteer for this you ask? The answer is twofold. The first is that these big firms pay outrageous amounts of money. The range seems to be $1800-$2400 per week for summer associates. When I told my non-law school friends this, they all responded with the same "per week?!" gasp.

The second reason is that if you pass the first round of interviews, the firms invite you back for a callback interview, where they might take you out for a free lunch. And we’re talking about a fancy free lunch. Think steaks and lobster and martinis and rich old white people. And I've sat through environmental law meetings just for a few slices of pizza and a warm soda.

Therefore, I felt compelled to participate in OCI. “I can do this,” I told myself. I can put on a suit and talk to some new people and wow them with my dazzling intellect and sharp good looks. Well, that's what I thought anyway.

As it turns out, interviews aren't fun at all. You sit down and you say your hellos and such and then they start asking you questions. And the biggest problem is that the answers that you want to give are the complete opposite to the answers you know you should be giving.

Example 1: Why did you want to come to law school?

I want to say that I was in a very lonely part of my life, where all my friends were moving from DC, that I didn't have a job lined up after college, that I had just broken up with a long-term girlfriend and really wanted to get the hell away from anything that reminded me of that relationship, that I had
been rejected from 2 MFA creative writing programs and that I grew up in a conservative Jewish household where you either become a doctor, a lawyer or a disgrace.

But instead I say, "I've always wanted to become a lawyer."

Example 2: What do you like best about law school?

I want to say that all the parties and happy hours are a lot of fun, that I've made some really good friends, that there’s lots of free pizza, that I have lots of free time to watch movies, read books and take naps, that it keeps my parents off my back and that it sure beats working for a living.

But instead I say, "I really enjoy legal reasoning."

And the interview goes on. I say hideous things like how I find the UCC fascinating and that I really enjoy legal writing. They ask me if I have any questions about their firm and I want to say that all these big firms look the same to me, but instead I ramble off some statistic that I read on their website and phrase it in the form of a question. "Your firm has an associate wellness policy?"

And then the interview ends and you get to walk around the rest of the day in a suit, then spend the next couple of days waiting to see if they'll call you when you know they won't. It's like an awkward one night stand that you know will never be a relationship, but you hope he/she calls anyway just so you can feel wanted. But I'm not wanted. So they don't call. And there's no free lunch.